2016 NASCAR Sprint Cup Awards

The red carpet show was tacky. Jay Mohr again? Apparently he knows where the bodies are buried and we have to suffer for it.

Sting opened the show. Nice. For me, the jury is still out on the song, but it makes me want to hear the recorded version. Very enjoyable performance.

Jay’s initial appearance is looking like Jackie Gleason in the Honeymooners wearing a robe doing a take off of the commercial with the drivers in their firesuits arriving in groups of four at his door. He made various dumb comments to the fake drivers and dumb comments to the real Jimmie Johnson. Finally it was over.

Okay, is this a therapy session, or an awards show? What is going on with Jay? He looks like a preacher and seems to be begging for sympathy. He looks like he’s had a rough year.

The jokes are no better than in years past. The opening monologue is painful and he can’t figure out why. Makes me wonder if he’s ever seen a funny comedian, and does he understand the job description.

Seriously, what is up with the heartfelt meanderings, the constant mentions of his self-censorship, and the generally disturbing behavior. What’s wrong with him, because he looks like a man in desperate need of help.

Squinty-Douchey Joey Logano actually looks very nice in his suit. Martin Truex Jr is hot in his. Jamie McMurray looks like a groom doll in his monkey suit.

Kenny Bruce had a good joke – he looked at Rutledge and said. “Rutledge, Hee-Haw called and they want their suit back.” Rutledge is wearing some monstrosity. It seems as though he’s decided that he can’t look good so he’ll look as bad as possible. I have a sneaking suspicion he thinks it makes him funnier. Leaves me wondering if he’s taking comedy lessons from Jay Mohr.

Unsurprisingly Dale Earnhardt Jr is the Most Popular Driver for the 13th year in a row.

KHarv’s speech was pretty straight forward.

KuBu is engaged. He gave a sweet speech.

Daniel Suarez gave a lovely, if barely comprehensible interview along with Johnny Sauter who seemed to be enjoying himself. I was thrilled that they had the Camping World Truck Series and Xfinity Series champions on the show.

Wow! Denny is dressed like a magician or something. He’s wearing a purple tuxedo with black lapels and a black satin? Tie. He has a fresh haircut, so he looks like an extra in a fifties movie … OMG Denny just said he’s “gotta pee so bad we gotta get this over with”. Dude!!! Needless to say his speech was a bit rushed with lots of stumbling. He rushed off the stage seemingly after suggesting that we say a prayer to Joe Gibbs while we’re gathered with out families this holiday season. To quote Channing Tatum – Wh-what???

Kenseth brought the funny.

Unfortunately during the segment to honor the dead the camera was too often angled so it was difficult to see the person being ‘honored’. I believe they were trying to consistently include Skylar Grey who was whining a tune while bashing the piano. That segment would be much better if we just focused on the videos of the dead and just hear the music (if we must). Most of the people in the video got short shrift. Betty Jane France got the best of it with a longer segment than the others and full video. I miss Barney Hall. I caught a glimpse of his name and face in the video as well as Bryan Clauson. I’d like to have really seen all of that – full video.

Now I know how I’ve been falling asleep on this show the past few years. There’s a group called the American Authors playing a sad, lightweight little diddy. Between the last boring, lightweight song and this sad display, my eyelids are getting heavy….

Unsurprisingly Chase Elliott is the Rookie of the Year.

Congrat to the 48 Team named Most Valuable Pit Crew. Congratulations to Chadley on being named Crew Chief of the Year.

I miss Robin Pemberton. Just saying…

The Reflections on Smoke segment was cute. It provided a couple of chuckles.

Hmm, Eddie Vedder is a friend of Tony Stewart’s. Apparently thanks to Eddie Jarvis, he’s surprising Smoke by appearing on the show and giving a speech about him. Eddie looks like someone else…his hair is straightened and in a rather conservative cut.

Mr. Hendrick is giving a speech announcing that in Tony Stewart’s name the motorsports community is giving a donation to Eddie Vedder’s wife’s foundation of 1.8 million dollars. Eddie is totally outdone. They’re trying to find a cure for a skin disease called ‘EB’.

Smoke says he’s going to have to go to a gym next year because the cars he’s going to drive next year have the steering wheel closer so he’s going to have to get ‘this’ away from it.

He was doing pretty well on the I and my, though he dropped into the ‘we’ a couple of times. It’s so odd. Tony told Mr. Hendrick that if it wasn’t for him (Rick Hendrick) he (Smoke) wouldn’t be a car owner.

He says the disease is a very painful disease, that if the kids scratch themselves it leaves and open scar and there’s nothing they can do about it. He thanked the racing community for the donations to the foundation.

Carl has congratulated Daniel Suarez on his championship, but he’s not yet gotten around to congratulating Jimmie. The other drivers started out congratulating Jimmie. Dean and Rob are his trainers. Dean from the neck up and Rob from the neck down. Kate is there and he actually said she looks beautiful, thanked her for everything she does for him and their family and said he loved her. At the end he finally addressed Jimmie – told a story about his first win – at Atlanta he beat Jimmie and said Jimmie was the first person in Victory Lane congratulating him. Carl said he competes with class.

LaDanian Tomlinson is introducing KyBu.

KyBu said he wants to start off congratulating Jimmie like everybody did but Matt. He seems ot have on the same kinda of tux as Denny, but in black with a bow tie. JD must be in bad shape since several people have either mentioned they’re praying for him, or that we should pray for him. Kyle is giving a very nice speech. It has a little bit of everything.

Monster is going to be the title sponsor in 2017.

KyBu says he is one of the biggest Tony Stewart fans in the world. Samantha looks a horror – literally like she’s auditioning for a role in Rocky Horror. It seems she’s trying to do some old Hollywood glamour thing. She has the old part down, but the rest is lacking. She’s a very modern girl and should go with a very modern look. I was told Sophia Loren said as a woman ages she has a choice to make whether her face or her bum looks good. Samantha seems to have chosen the bum. The girl needs to choose her face and to eat a biscuit. She consistently looks hungry.

Brian France is giving out the Bill France award of excellence. He said they don’t give teh award away every year because its a high mark. Roger Penske is getting it. That’s a surprise. When I think of doing good things and thinking of NASCAR all the time he’s not the first one who comes to mind. He can’t be bothered to actually attend the race if Indy cars are running that day. He acknowledged that Rick and Jimmie are quality guys. He told Joe Gibbs that his prayers are for JD.

Jordin Sparks introduced Joey. He said he’s honored to have raced against Jimmie Johnson. Squinty-Douchey’s tux fits beautifully and he looks a lot less goofy wearing it.

He thanked Brad and Paul for being great teammates throughout the year. I guess Ryan doesn’t count as a Penske team member except when they need to use him. He seems to have become very religious suddenly. Is he trying to get back into Gibbs? That’s the second time he’s thrown God into a non-religious conversation.

Brent Dewar the COO is introducing the 2016 NASCAR Sprint Cup Championship Owner and Hall of Fame inductee – Rick Hendrick.

Mr Hendrick also addressed Joe Gibbs and said he’s praying for JD. He also said Roger Penske is deserving of the Bill France award. He also said about Joey Logano that he doesn’t know what it would be like see “that big grin in the mirror every morning”. He said its so fun watching Kasey become a dad. He mentioned every member of the team, including Alex Bowman. He apologized for interrupting Jeff Gordon’s vacation and bringing him back into the car. He mentioned that Ricky was the first person to say that Jimmie was going to be a superstar. Mr. Hendrick just celebrated his 40th year as a Chevrolet dealer and he’s only raced Chevrolet. He and Linda have been married 44 years. He congratulated Daniel and Johnny and all the NASCAR champions. He also sent out a get well to his ‘brother Felix Sabates’. He got a standing ovation for mentioning that he’s proud to be part of a sport where they pray before every race, and put their hands over their heart and pledge allegiance.

Michael Phelps has come out to introduce Jimmie. He’s also receiving a standing ovation – just for showing up at the podium. He’s another person who’s called Jimmie the greatest driver that has ever lived – a few others have. I wonder how many folks – like ‘It’ Brad Keselowski, Carl Edwards and Denny Hamlin – in the audience are seething every time someone says that.

Jimmie is the seventh driver to reach 80 NASCAR Sprint Cup victories following his win at Homestead.

The VP of Marketing for Sprint, Steve Gaffney, is presenting the trophy. Big marketing speech – Sprint is kewl. Marketing people. Bleecchhh! Finally he gets around to presenting Jimmie the Sprint Cup trophy. Then he hightails it off the stage and Rick Allen introduces Brian France to present the ring. He went over and got Chani and escorted her over and handed Jimmie the ring with little fan-fare. I guess he has a drink waiting for him – or a hot blonde or something. It seems that Brian France really, really is unhappy with Jimmie’s win – or with Jimmie, because he’s been way less than effusive throughout the entire deal. He said nobody expected Jimmie to win when he was doing the Championship ceremony after the race at Homestead. Jimmie says he’s race only a Chevy – every lap of every race his entire career. Ah, so Mrs Knaus’ name is Brooke. I probably knew that. She looks nice sitting there with her hair slicked back and a black – non-hoochie dress. Samantha, take note. Jimmie said he felt Ricky during those last few laps and that it was the most spiritual thing that’s ever happened to him. They’re giving Jimmie a standing ovation. He ended with a quote by Dale Earnhardt. Dale said, when he won his seventh, I may have won as many championships as Richard Petty, but I will never be the king. Jimmie says he concurs and that he will never be The King and he will never be The Intimidator. He’s just a guy from California who loves to race. Jay Mohr stretched for a bit and now we’re watching Squires’ piece on Jimmie from the Homestead race. It was a good piece and I don’t mind seeing it a third time.

Oh no, another song!!! Where do they find these no-name, non-singing, non-entertaining folks? I have a mute button and I’m going to use it. No amount of gospel choirs, or NASCAR video, or backup singers can help this get any better – unless her mic goes out completely.

Not quite sure why Jay Mohr keeps telling Jimmie he loves him and keeps talking about how good looking Carl is. Its creepy. Wow, the show is over after that crappy performance. Brian didn’t present Chani with her present. Typically the wife gets a piece of jewelry as a token of NASCAR’s appreciation and respect. If Brian gave it to her, he probably shoved it at her just before he shoved the ring at Jimmie. It was a very anti-climatic ending that felt like Jimmie didn’t get his due.

It’s funny one of the other drivers – I think Kurt Busch – said he feels like Jimmie is under-rated in spite of his championships.

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Next Race: Daytona

GO 48!!!!